


Number Two

by LittleMissOddballl (LittleMissOddball)



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: College AU, M/M, OOC
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-04-19 00:34:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4726112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMissOddball/pseuds/LittleMissOddballl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I am hated. I am alone. I am unwanted. And then he made me feel wanted. A fleeting dream as he made me feel unwanted yet again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> ((Lovi may not be the usual Lovi. I made him a little gentler in this fic. Sorry for that. He still hates France's guts though. Please kudos and comment. Love Lots! <3))
> 
> "What the fuck is this, Chien!? I am not some fucking ninny! Don't you dare post this!"
> 
> ((Yeah well too bad. I put it up on LJ. =P Now shut up or I'm calling Toni.))
> 
> "Y-You wouldn't..."
> 
> ((*grabs tomato* Are you trying me?))
> 
> "Argh! Fine Fine! I'll shut up."
> 
> ((Good boy *returns to laptop and types away*))

Prologue

  


I sat at the back of the car staring whist-fully out the window My earphones playing out on maximum to drown out the sounds of the outside world. Beside me, I could feel the leather move to the direction of two of my companions horsing around and making fun of the otherwise sweet and sappy scene playing before them. In the driver’s seat was Antonio Fernandez Carriedo busily tugging and playing with my Feliciano’s tiny hands while being busy with the maneuver. Even as I put my attention out the window, watching the houses and trees blur as we pass by or to the ridiculous duo of the Bad Touch Trio being themselves, I could literally feel one of Toni’s arms draped over my fratellino’s shoulders. Occasionally, I would jive in with Francis’s and Gil’s shenanigans.

  


Teasing, making snide remarks and linking them together; I would do that with a huge grin of mischief plastered all over my face. I’d make weird gestures along with the other two, all the while avoiding the scene and keeping my eyes on something else. I would do that. I did that every day like it was no big deal. And much to nobody’s surprise, everyone joins in as we have always hinted there was something more between them than being just friends. I’d have Matthew, my other close friend helping them get together per Toni’s request.

  


But, to be honest. It hurts. It fucking hurts. Seeing that sight made me realize one thing: I always have been and always will be number two.


	2. Number 2.1

It was just three weeks into the academic year. I lay on my bed, my notes with pens and highlighters beside me. I had been studying for the last 3 hours and decided to take a break. I put down all my notes and picked up my phone sitting atop my bedside table and positioned myself lying down on my side scanning for FB updates, twitter notifs or Tumblr ups when a buzz from my phone sent my whole arm vibrating. I looked at the darkened screen and saw the messenger notification box clear on the screen. Only three words appeared:

_Antonio Carriedo: Yo._

I gazed at my iPhone screen and pressed the reply button.

_Lovino: What, bastard?_

_Antonio: Ouch Lovi, I wanted to ask how you were doing. Thank you for helping me out during Jap. today. You really helped me out back there. I should sit beside you more often during that class._

_Lovino: Sure._

_Antonio: So what are you doing right now?_

_Lovino: Chatting with you,idiot._

_Antonio: You’re not studying?_

_Lovino: Was. I’m taking a break._

_Antonio: Oh. Then I can borrow you for a few minutes?_

_Lovino: Do whatever you want._

_Antonio: Just wanted to talk about that series we were talking about during break time._

_Lovino: What about?_

_Antonio: Well, see..._

 

Antonio Fernandez Carriedo is one of my blockmates from my Communication Arts Course in the state university I go to. Before this, we barely said a word to each other. In fact, I was alone most of the time and he looked like he wanted to be alone as well as he never conversed with any of the other blockmates. That was during the first week. But then after another week or so, we had a chance to talk during break time while waiting for our next class.

I sat with the block, scanning through my phone an looking through pictures of the recent episode release of the drama series I’m following when I felt a presence creep behind me. I turned my body 180 degrees to the left and realized it was Antonio hovering over me, also looking at my phone. I quickly locked it and blushed. The drama series I was following was the sort of drama most people would be wary of. For a college student to be watching that sort of drama would probably turn people off. I tried to bring out the words. Something along the lines of, “Not a word of this bastard, or you’re dead.” But the words wouldn’t come out. I thought for sure he would shun me, but instead he took me by the shoulders and directed my body to him. Now that I was looking at him, I could literally see the glimmer present in his eyes.

“Was that what I think it was?”

“Wh-what was?”

“How To Get Away With Murder. “ _What?_

“It was in your phone. The pictures. Those were of the recent episodes right?”

“Y-yeah. What about it?”

“I finally found a friend!” He threw his arms out and took me into a tight hold from which I felt like I was about to die from air loss. He swung me around and landed me back down on my feet thankfully before the oxygen had completely left me.

“I thought I was the only one! I never thought you’d like the same series as well!”

“Yeah well, I do. And I like Oliver a lot. He’s hot.”

“I like him too!”

And just like that, I found myself in a lengthy discussion with him about the show and a lot more. He apparently liked nearly the same things I did, went to the same place I’ve been to. He’s Spanish and I’m Italian so we could pretty much speak the same language. In the few weeks we got acquainted we had somehow leveled up to becoming friends. Or so he claims.

After all, who would want to be friends with little ol’ Lovino Vargas. The Resident Bully. The Putty Mouthed Bad Tempered Unwanted Eldest son of the illustrious Vargas Family.

For someone to call me his or her friend could mean Grand Papa had used his connections to make me feel good about myself for a while then drop the bomb on me telling me he had only paid this kid to pretend to be my “friend”. Either that, or that person must be reckless and stupid and needs serious medical attention, preferably for the eyes and for the brain.

But this guy claimed he was different. He hardly knew what the Vargas family meant and thought it was just a fancy name for a tomato variety (For some odd reason, he’s into tomatoes. So much he thinks it’s a compliment to call him “Tomato Bastard”). Since that day, we would text each other or chat with each other. We were almost always together, joking around and horsing around. You’d see us either talking about stuff our other blockmates could hardly relate. In a sense, it felt comfortable being with him. And this was the first time any one was ever kind to me this way.

Since youth, I was always number two. My younger brother, Feliciano who I’m older by 10 seconds, was the cheerful adorable one. He was always number one. Everyone loved him. I loved him too, but there were times in which I wished he wasn’t the favorite. He was good at singing, painting. Everything I’m not. He was loved. I wasn’t. During our shared birthday, which is supposed to be for the two of us, I would be on the far end of the crowd, watching as Feli is showered by friends and family with gifts and compliments, while I was stuck to eat cake alone.

Nevertheless, it wasn’t always sadness in my life. For one, as nobody wouldn’t bother to ask for me, I would always be with my pen and paper, scribbling away on paper about life, romance, and adventure. I learned of my love for writing then and most of the time if I wasn’t in my room being lonely and drowning myself in hate, I would most certainly be under some tree in our giant labyrinth, writing the noon away. On rainy nights, while everyone would be asleep, I would sneak out the house and run to my favorite spot, a cliff overlooking the city of my beloved hometown, Italy. When the rain would stop, the skies would clear and the magical and mysterious beauty of the cosmos would light the sky. I would be there looking and mapping the stars. As a result to being alone most of the time, I would be buried in my books and therefore, excelled in school. It would be during school ceremonies where I would be known to the family as a pride. Although after that, it would be back to Feliciano. But I had grown accustomed to it. My lonesome became happiness. So when someone like Antonio had started talking to me, it felt so alien and I had begun to feel a strange attachment to him. The first days of college were vexing as I would again succumb to the loneliness and the fortitude of the library. Now, going to school meant I would get to see the person I now held dear. It was friendship blossoming slowly. I don’t dare tell him much about myself, but I always feel like I could tell him everything. He would tell me his secrets, therefore I felt special. We had a special connection. Even when our circle of friends grew, he would always stick to me.

Looking back on it now, it felt like it started somewhere from there. I had known it all along. I was different. I had a strong gut feeling and this feeling made me realize it a lot sooner. The friendship for me had grown to be something more than that. He became my reason to go to school. My reason for waking up in the morning. The knight in my poems. The hero of my plume. I had fallen in love with Toni. A lot faster than I thought I would.

So imagine the happiness suddenly collapsing inside of me when the entrance of an unexpected character came into the fray completely turning me upside down. Imagine seeing the one person you thought was the one. The one that finally made you feel number one suddenly make you number two.


	3. Number 2.2

“Lovi~!” Strong hands suddenly took me from behind while walking through the hallway, nearly making me drop my cupcake. I turned to the perpetrator who had nearly committed the atrocious crime but found that the guts to tell this person off had completely dissipated when I see the tomato bastard looking at me questioningly. Inwardly, I hated myself for going soft at the sight of him in front of me. I’m so pathetic.

“Lovi?” I bumped the back of my hand on his chest.

“Stupid tomato bastard, you nearly made me drop my lunch.”

“Oh sorry, Lovi. It’s just that I didn’t do so well in the exam yesterday and I wanted to cry on your shoulders, but you had gone home and I couldn’t find you and you wouldn’t answer my calls.” He quickly let go and took hold of my bag, probably hoping to allow me to eat my cupcake with ease. Damn it, Toni. 

“Yeah we’re in the same boat, idiot. Now stop clinging onto me early in the morning. It’s weird.” I swatted his hand away and he just grinned at me and continued walking beside me and supposedly amusing me with his small talk and gestures, making me once again feel comfortable. While walking on the way to our next class, we bump into another one of our block mates. A tall buff blonde American dressed in green military jacket and brown khaki pants. His eyes coated with black framed reading glasses. Our block leader, Alfred Jones.

“Hey dudes! You’re pretty lucky to be running into the hero this early in the morning!” He walked towards us, his green military jacket fluttering in his wake.

“Where? I don’t see a hero. All I see is a chubby kid walking around campus, cradling baby burgers.” I remarked at the pile of McDonald’s burgers he cradled with his right arm. In his left hand, he held a McDonald’s paper cup. He took a sip from the paper cup an proceeded to taking a huge bite from one of the burgers. 

“Boy, you must really have bad eyesight? How many fingers am I holding up?!”

“Fuck you, American dick.I have 20-20 vision!”

“Language, Lovi. I could do with a good morning, you know?"

Antonio popped out from behind me and flashed a smile of glee at the blond. “Good morning. Alfred. Funny. You’re not with Arthur today.”

“There, see? Toni understands! Oh yeah. Speaking with Arthur, have you seen him anywhere? I’ve been looking for him since I got here. I’m scared he might be talking to his imaginary friends again.”

Arthur Kirkland. The resident tea slurping scone munching Brit. Unlike Alfred, Arthur was a little shorter in stature but the hue in his hair resembled that of Alfred’s. One prominent figure about him is the uncanny thickness of his brows. I mean, look at them. Those aren’t eyebrows. Those are forests! Anyway, Al and Artie were pretty close even if the latter isn’t as affectionate as the former is. They would usually be seen together 24/7 not to mention they are roommates in the college dorm so one can only imagine what activities occur one they’re alone.

“You should put a leash around the poor kid or he might run away.” I irked sarcastically. From behind us came a calm collected voice.

“Who’s running away?” Alfred’s eyes lit up and sprinted right past us, struggling with the load of burgers he held like a baby. Toni and I turned to their direction to see a blonde gentleman in a midnight blue cashmere sweater with checkered sleeves and collars popping out which he wore with brown skinny jeans and a simple pair of sneakers.

“Hey Artie!”

“What in the bloody hell is that atrocity you’re carrying?”

“Hm? Oh this! Burgers! I bought enough for both of us.”

“I don’t eat that garbage.”

“Are you sure you mean this and not your cooking?”

“Sh-shut up you blood twat!” The American guffawed at the annoyed expression on the shorter male’s face and just proceeded to drape his arms on Artie’s shoulders. He leaned in, stopping to whisper something to his ears at which Arthur blushes and starts to pound on Al’s chest. He stops as he notices me and Toni just standing, watching them in their mini-love quarrels.

“Hey Lovi. Are you sure I should be the one with the leash?”

“Huh?”

“’Cuz you’re one to talk. “

“What the hell was that, tea bastard!? I’m not the tea bag in love with a fat assed burger freak here!”

“Just say---ooph!” Before he could say another word, Al shoves into his mouth a piece of burger with glee.

“Come now, Arthur. Cheer up with this McCoy’s burger. It works everytime.” At this the Brit literally spit the perfectly well done burger on the floor and stepped on it.

“You bloody twat!” The two proceeded to their everyday fights while obnoxious crowds of people come to watch them make a spectacle of themselves.

And then there’s me. Still standing beside Antonio. Antonio with his ridiculous laugh that sends my insides reeling. I had gone ahead and denied my feelings for Antonio with the main subject of my affection and our two wonderful, and I mean that sarcastically, friends as witnesses. Around this time, I was probably hitting myself 2000 times in 200 ways in just two seconds. In my attempt to play the uncaring and unloving yet good friend to Antonio, I denied my feelings for him completely. Arthur nearly caught me back there and I’m glad I was able to evade the topic.

At least for a little while.

\----------------------------------

 

Lunch time has always been my favorite time of the day and eating at my favorite shop with my favorite person are just welcome bonuses.

While waiting for my companion and my order, I remained seated on one of the colored stools in the cafe fiddling with my phone and scanning through the notes I took pictures of during the lecture when my gaze landed on a human figure just by the edge of my screen. Even with the blurred picture I could tell who it was from the way he stood and by the adorable curl sticking out from one side of his head. His amber eyes remained clear as day even with the distortion and his beauty remained as is. Ah, Lovino truly is a work of art in the body of a 16 year old boy. I could look at him all day. Such thoughts would earn me a kick instead of a kiss.

But I can’t help it.

To others he might be a loud putty mouthed college teen but to me he is as precious as every tomato in the world. To be seen more than just a friend is a miracle I still hang onto. Nevertheless, being with him is satisfying enough. This might sound weird from an adolescent male, but thinking things like this is meant to be serious. And to me, anything related to Lovi is serious business.

I snap out of my reverie as the sounds of china clashing together echoed at my side. I turn to me right where I see Lovino settle down with a tray of his and my food.

“Idiot, you’re in a daze again. Stop that.”

“Oh, sorry Lovi. I was a little caught up with studying the notes for today.” I explained as he handed me my plate which I gratefully take, deliberately brushing our hands together. For second however, I thought I felt him shudder. He must not have liked it when I did that so I made a mental note not to do it again.

“Ah sorry. Thank you. What did Al say by the way?” He took a spoonful of his chicken fillet and after gulped it straight down without even chewing.

“They said they’ll catch up. They just gotta run to the dorm and grab a few things. Elizaveta and Roderich were supposed to be here too, but they got caught up with all that model biz. So it’s just you me and the idiots in love.”

Looking back on it now, would Lovi and I be like Alfred and Arthur if ever there becomes an ‘us’? No. That wouldn’t be fun at all. Regardless of how much Artie’s attitude resembled Lovi’s, I want our romance to be special. So special even the two of them would die of jealousy. The mere thought let a chuckle slip from me.

“What’s so funny, bastard? You’re not planning on taking away my tomatoes, are you?”

I beamed at him. “I wouldn’t think of it, Lovi~!” “Good.”

“But I could.” With my fork at the ready, I sneakily swiped the lone tomato sitting atop Lovino’s rice serving sending him into a harrow fit, hitting me everywhere as I gulped down the bright red cherry vegetable. I was saved from more of his violent attacks when our companions finally arrived and Lovino’s attention were all concentrated on making fun of Alfred and Arthur. All while Lovi and the couple would converse and I’d be saying nothing but munch on my food, I would constantly glance up to my seatmate and notice faint hints of a grin or a smile. For some reason unknown to even myself, these subtle acts would make my heart flutter and the world would suddenly become a hue brighter.

 

I have yet to discover why.


	4. Number 2.3

I could kill right now. No one disturbs my beauty sleep without me having to say anything about it.

I stared at the bright screen of my phone and moved my eyes to the indication of time.

_4:30 in the goddamn morning. Who wakes up anyone at 4 in the morning!?_

I wanted to shrug the doorbell sounds still bouncing off my walls and keep myself curled into a ball underneath my cotton blankets. But the rapid repetitive sounds of the doorbell finally pushed me to pull back the covers and find my bathrobe blindly in the dark while constantly muttering vulgar words of dismay. Once I had located them, I hurriedly attended to the door, thinking it was just some random salesman for real estate as well us running through the many curse words I could fire at him. Opening the door, I expected someone, anyone in a uniform or suit.

However...

_“Ve~! Fratello, mi sei mancato!”_ My eyes grew wide at the familiar short figure, with a single curl detached from his light brown hair and clad in an over-sized coat.

“F-Feliciano!?”

_“Ciao~!”_

 

“This is your brother, Lovino?! You look NOTHING alike!”

“That’s because we happen to be fraternal twins, nittlebug. And it’s none of your business whether Feli and I look alike.” I scoffed at the American blonde towering Feli by a few inches. To his right, Roderich and Eliza looked at each other, eyes both gleaming at the stout little figure as if Feli was their own child.

I stood somewhere a little far from the crowd, my eyes searching for the tall tan figure with emerald eyes and a smile that practically lit up the world the moment it comes out. Or at least my world. I’m not looking for him. I absolutely do not know when his classes end.

“Ve~”

“Wha? Oh, hey Feli. You done entertaining them?”

Feli tilted his head as if in question. I merely sighed. “It’s nothing Feli.”

“Who’re you looking for, fratello?” Feli had me by the sleeve of my Armani shirt, pulling on it just to get my attention. Thankfully, it snapped me out of my reverie before anyone could see the obvious love struck look I had in my eyes.

“Don’t mind me, Feli. I just---”

“Lovi~!” My body bends from the heavy weight coming onto me suddenly.

“What the fucking hell, stupid tomato bastard!?”

“Ahaha~ I missed you, Lovi~!” My hair nearly bounced out of my chest when his sing-song words reached my ears as he ruffled my hair, his emerald eyes, I could tell, were directed towards me.

“Sh-shut up, idiot. You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Oh, but I think I do.”

Strong, warm arms took me in in one quick swoop, all the while, one thought ran through my mind: He was hugging me. _Hugging_. _Me_.

Before I could even say anything to cover up the obvious red now spreading through my face, Tonio speaks the one phrase I would never ever want to hear again. Not from him especially. I feel his arms as they slide off from my shoulders and I lose the contact. He then moves to Feli’s side and throws one arm onto fratellino’s shoulder as if in a flirting act, flashing him a grin full of glee.

“Aww~ What a cutie! What’s your name, _bella_?” Bad enough he left my side, he had to be friendly with Feli. With fratellino. I looked down and just stared at the ground as I heard the cheerful chatter of my companions. All I could hear were the words, “Feliciano” or, “than Lovino” and every time these words were spoken by that person, I felt like my heart breaking the way the vase I had accidentally elbowed off the table broke. Shattering, its parts scattering through the floor, with me looking just staring at the damage and thinking that vase would never go back to the way it was; that no amount of glue would return it to its original beauty. I remained silent. I should have seen this coming.Once again, Feli takes the spotlight and I am left as the backdrop guy, the understudy for Feli’s role as the main character. I hated this feeling; this feeling of inferiority. I had gone through it so many times, with my own family. I had accepted the fact I will never be loved as much as Feli was. I knew that. Yet, when I raise my head and see Tonio looking at Feli with so much love in his eyes, I feel a pang of pain strike through me, surging like electricity. Next thing I knew, I’m fighting the tears threatening to fall from my eyes.

“Lovi?”

So what else can I do?

I lift my head and give them the biggest scowl (which I hoped equates to a smile) I could muster.

“Nothing shitheads. Go die.” and I stomped away.

No one said a word to me for the rest of the day and I found myself eating lunch alone, in one of the rooms finally letting the tears I had been holding back, flow.

 

I was stumped and in desperate need of Lovi power when lo and behold as I exited the college building, I found him standing with the rest of the squad along with one other that looked like him but smaller in stature with the same curl sticking out of his head, and his face bore the biggest grin. My mind wandered as to who that person was when I recalled one afternoon when Lovi and I were siting together when his phone vibrated beside him. As he took it out, his eyes widened at the ID and hurriedly excused himself. I was surprised as it was the first time he had looked so flustered. I strained my ears to catch a hint of any possible...rivals...if that’s the term. Yet the only words I could hear were ‘fratellino’ and ‘home’ and ‘Nonno’ which led me to conclude it was his relative, possibly his brother.

When asked about it however, he simply turned his head away. I didn’t push it either.

I remained locked on the scene when Lovi stepped a little distance away from the group and swiveled his head from side to side as if looking for someone. I hid behind the doors but kept my head out just enough to be able to catch a glimpse of him. I could feel people staring at me. I mean who wouldn’t? Here was a tall college fellow hiding behind a swinging door a midst the countless students pouring out from the building just to enjoy the view of someone hopefully looking for him. Anyone would wonder.

But I didn’t really mind.

Lovi’s cuteness made up for it. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm loving Lovi too much again

Oh dear~ I said the "L" word.

Now if I could just say the "B" word. 

He looked wonderful today too. He wore a blue open jacket with chains on the shoulders. Underneath the jacket is something black. He partnered this with khaki brown pants and sneakers. He had always liked looking presentable no matter how much people would tell him dressing up for college can be a drag. I really couldn’t help myself from giggling at his act of looking for someone for he looked like a child that had just lost his mother in a department store.

_Ah, he frowned._

_Now his face dropped._ _Was he really looking for me? I_

_hope he was_. These thoughts ran through my mind as I observed him. I smirked as I thought it was enough and emerged from my hiding place.

“Lovi~!” For a second I blushed seeing him seemingly happy to see me.

 

What? A boy can dream.

I proceeded to being the cheerful Antonio he knew and draped my arms around him.

“What the fucking hell, tomato bastard!?” he scowled at me with an obvious red face. How adorable.

“Ahaha~ I missed you, Lovi~!”

“Sh-shut up, idiot. You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Oh, but I think I do.” I then hugged him thinking he might push me away. Thankfully, he didn’t. It made me happy. Not being pushed away that is. It made me a tad bit hopeful I have a shot with him.

But as I looked at him, I thought he looked embarrassed to be held so I quickly reverted the topic to the unfamiliar figure. I moved my arms away slowly so as not to show him my flustered side and moved to the person the others called Feliciano.

“Aww~ What a cutie! What’s your name, bella?

I thought I had averted the crisis and made things easier for Lovi, but as I directed my eyes way from Feliciano, I could literally see the tears Lovi was beginning to hold back.

"Lovi?"

“Nothing shitheads. Go die.”

And like that he walked away And I was left to stand the countless worthless jokes of the American and his squabbles with Alfred whilst thinking what I could have possibly done wrong.


	5. Numbing

_Psssssh._

The sound of running water bounced off the glass walls of the one-person bathroom. I took in the warmth of moderate hot and cold water had to offer as they trickled down my body as I ran through the events of the day and our requirements for the next semester, simultaneously chasing away the memory of that Spanish idiot and my oh-so-dearly-beloved fratellino. I put out the first sign of emerald eyes and unwavering smile from my memories before I start to see more and then feel depressed all over again. I come out of the shower, fresh and determined to finish all that I had to do today and tomorrow when my goddamn phone rings and whoop-dee-doo. It’s none other than the Tomato Bastard himself and his contact picture staring dreamily at me. My knees weakened to jelly and my mind started running the idea of answering the phone. Then his hands on his contact picture caught my attention and the memory of the morning which I had tried so desperately to erase from my mind suddenly came back and I found myself madder than I was before. I press the reject button and turned off the power before I could change my mind. I threw it on the bed and reached for my desk chair and started working.

For a few hours, my study was doing great and by the stroke of 8, I was able to finish the paper we had due tomorrow. When I study, I usually have my earphones plugged in to block out any external sound that could swerve my concentration. I direct this to my next door dormer who’s roommate is also his lover and the walls were thin so you could literally hear everything going on. Tonight as well was one of their session nights and I had my music on maximum volume. That was probably the reason why I didn’t hear the sound of tapping feet and my door opening. I had only realized it when hands came from behind me. Surprised, I jumped off my seat and kicked the chair backwards earning a moan of pain from the intruder.

“Who the fuck---Tonio!? What the hell are you doing in my room!?”

“H-hey~!”

“Don’t you ‘hey~!’ me! Can’t you fucking knock? And what the hell are you doing in here in nothing but your boxers!?” I turned to my right and opened the white wooden closet door and retrieved a simply blue short sleeved shirt. I mumbled a curse to myself, slowly realizing I was falling for the Tomato Bastard’s antics again.

_Really. You’d think you learn after getting this far._ I didn’t look up.

“I’m sorry Lovi for anything wrong I did today.” _For what, bastard?_

I continued to pretend to rummage through my clothes, trying to find him a decent shirt that could fit him.

“You know how I am. My mind almost always floats someplace else and I forget to act my age. So for whatever I did today, I’m very sorry.” I sighed.

_Just as I thought. He doesn’t understand._

I turned to him, ready and determined to tell him off, curse him with all I had but all my anger dissipated as I saw a tall tan college man with a hell of a ripped abdomen (Curse those caressable abs and chest) whose face bore that of a puppy being scolded by his master. All my anger dissipated in that one second and inwardly I cursed myself yet again for always giving in so easily.

_Dammit Lovino. You have to stop doing this._

I look away once again just to hide the obvious red spreading throughout my face and threw a red and yellow shirt to his direction. Without looking at him, I murmured to him.

“Put these on. It’s cold tonight.

“O-Oh. Th-Thank you, Lovi~!” _Lose the cheerful voice, why dontcha?_

“Whatever. In the first place, why are you even here without a top?!” The silence of rustling cloth urged me to turn around as a sign that he had finished changing. He was looking at me with a small smile and looking (not gazing) at him now made me realize something: He was wearing one of my own clothes. This was fucking unfair. I quickly looked away but returning to the cluttered mess on my table.

“Well? When are you going to leave?” He remained silent for a few seconds than began.

“I haven’t even gotten what I needed, Lovi.”

“So what do you want? “

"Did I do something to make you mad?” Lovino whirled towards his direction and blinked twice.

“Huh? What the hell are you talking about?” _If I had the guts to get mad at you, I would have done it sooner to keep my feelings intact_.

“It’s just that you practically avoided me the entire day. When I came up to you during lunch, you leaped up from your seat and left your food not even half finished.”

“I was full. And I had classes to attend to.”

“And I tried waving at you when our eyes met, you turned away...”

“I didn’t see you.”

“And now you’re not even looking at me while we’re talking.”

My hands stop with whatever they’re doing and I fall silent. “I’m just tired that’s all.”

“No you’re not."

“I am.”

“Lovi. You’ve been avoiding me for the last few weeks. How can that be tired?”

I slam both my fists on my desk in annoyance. “Would you just listen to me for once?! I’m telling you, I’m fine!” I no longer realized my tone was rising and Toni was slowly backing away. I soon realized my mistake. I faltered.

“I’m sorry. It’s just...It’s nothing.”

I said glumly looking glancing at his phone wallpaper which contained him and my brother both smiling sweetly. The sudden urge to ask him ran through my mind. Before I could even convince myself it wasn’t worth the pain, the words simply flowed freely.

“What do you think of my brother?” _Oh dear Lord, please kill me now!_ There was dead silence between as he just continues to stare at me, obviously astonished by the question. I quickly stammered, trying to regain my composure.

“You know what? It’s fine. Forget I asked.”

“I like him!”

“...what?”

“I like Feli.” Time stopped at that instant and I froze on the spot. Suddenly, I wished I could turn back time and stop myself from asking that question. Unfortunately, time is not friend of mine as I stood there waiting for a miracle.

“Ah, but...”

“Of course you do! Why wouldn’t you like Feliciano? I mean he’s cute and small and just so fucking fluffy. Of course...of course...”

_What were you thinking, Lovino Vargas?_ A small whimper escaped my mouth as I started shoving the Spaniard out the door.

“L-Lovi?! What...hey!”

“Go the fuck out already, bastard!”

“L-Lovi...?”

“You come in here and disturb me while I work only to enthusiastically talk to me about how lovey-dovey you are with my little brother. Dammit!” I didn’t realize how heavy Antonio was and he need not care for there were other things to worry about.

Such as the evident tears close to falling from the contours of my face.

Toni staggers and trips from the border lining the Italian’s dorm room. I couldn't see but I could tell he's still outside the door looking at it, debating whether or not to knowck on my door and to ask for an explanation but is cut off by the ear splitting slam of the door in his face. He stands there, unable to say anything but to bow his head and walk away in confusion, racking his brain as to what really was going on with me. That's just the type of person he is. I was a fool to believe he'd only d it for me.

On the other side of the door, I wait for the footsteps to disappear before completely breaking down in tears. Once gone, the only left to hear was the stifled sounds of sobbing and the loud thumping of my heart. I knew it all along. Why did I have to ask? What was I? A masochist?

 

_What the hell were you thinking, Vargas? What. The. Hell._


End file.
